And...

Then came the news of some tension between her and Akshay, she said something to me, Akshay also did say something about not being able to give her enough time and all, and she said that Akshay was not as close as he used to be, or so.

It was another year, and another Valentine’s Day. I called up Shubhankar to talk about bad luck and things in general, and he gave me the news that Akshay had broken up with her for no particular reason. Most probably because it seemed like a good idea at that time and so I immediately called up Akshay and confirmed this news from him. He said that what I’d heard was true and he had no reason for it as of yet, and as soon as he’d get a reason, I might be the first one he’d inform. Very well I said and asked her how she was taking the whole thing; he said she was fine and that basically it was all for the best and she now had studies on her mind. And then he added a little later that it was perhaps for studies that he’d broken up with her.

I don’t know whether I felt better or not, but it was certainly a nice feeling to know that she was single again. And this was one thought that never slipped my mind. However, she had the fault of being pretty and pretty girls find it hard to remain single for long. What with the fact that I was several states away from her, the only thing that excited me and made me (yes I admit it, it did) happy was that she was not with Akshay any more.

We had our Board exams then, and after that I had all my competitive exams, even though they all turned out to be sum-zero and I geared up for another year of JEE preparations. She joined a college that was near to Baroda, I talked to her now and then on the phone when I got the chance. Slowly, I don’t exactly remember what happened but we began to be a little distant. Perhaps Akshay had acted as a link between us, I don’t know, maybe I am just seeking excuses.

Meanwhile I heard that Akshay had a new girl friend, so I figured that she was pretty much out of his life.

Chance permitted me to have another trip to Baroda, exactly one year after my last trip, and this time I was to stay for a slightly longer duration than last year. I made her promise that she’d meet me, but it was difficult for her as her college had already started and although it was near to Baroda, it was still one hour’s distance and she lived in a hostel. This meant that during my stay in Baroda she’d be in her college and I’d have to go Anand to meet her. Thus lessening our chances of meeting at all. Still, I was going to Baroda, and it would have been unfair for us to not meet.

The thing was that I was unsure of the fact that whether I wanted to meet her or Akshay, myself being angry at the fact that throughout our relationship I’d been just a shoulder to cry on, and although I don’t know whether I was right or not on this count, I was pretty frustrated. So I planned my trip to Baroda, and didn’t keep a meeting with her as an essential item.

Nevertheless, I went there for a day and a half, my friends had all taken admissions in various colleges; I had decided to prepare for JEE one more year. The trip entailed the usual meeting after long time stuff, and for the larger part of the first day I stayed at Sanshit’s place. And she called up on his home phone number, I had a brief chat with her and she said that she won’t be able to come, and I’d have to go to her. I talked with my friends about this and I found out that none were too keen to come with me, all citing some technical reason or another. Then Akshay came over and I ended all discussion about her, because I didn’t want to talk about my meeting with her in front of him.

The day passed and in the evening Shubhankar made another half-baked attempt at planning a trip to meet her, he called up an old classmate who was also in the same college as her. I’d to leave at around five the next day, so it was necessary for me to meet her at some time during the morning. We planned something but didn’t finalize anything.

The next day Shubhankar came to meet me at a time much later than one suitable for going to Anand and meeting her and then coming back, we discussed this fact over lunch and I told him that I wasn’t to keen to meet her anyway. He chided me for keeping this point of view telling me that I had an important part in her life and that I shouldn’t behave like an imbecile. He cited certain examples which made me realize that he was more or less right, then I reproached him for making me realize the above rather late since now I hadn’t anytime left in which I could meet her. To make amends I decided to send her a card, I picked up one which said ‘I LOVE YOU DEAR FRIEND’ in multiple places. At the shop Shubhankar’s pen came undone when I was penning down her name and mine when I was rescued by a rather helpful shop girl who couldn’t stop gushing over the subject of the card. She gave me a glittery sort of writing instrument which left an annoying sparkle on the words. I added a small note in apology, and instructed Shubhankar to hand over the card to her personally with my words in entirety.

I left the city in the evening feeling rather happy about giving her the card, as something that she can keep with her, something to remember me by.

Much of my relationship with her was based on electronics mails, sent periodically, and used as a perfect means to express my feelings.

So, when I checked my mail on returning to Jhansi I found one by her, in which she said that she hoped my trip to Baroda had been satisfactory, and then she asked me whether we were growing apart as friends. She said that since Akshay left her, I had been a constant factor in her life but now I was also drifting away. She thought that the last conversation she had with me was forced on me by her. She said that she was getting increasingly insecure and was very afraid of losing her friends.

I replied giving my excuses for not showing up, generally blaming Shubhankar for everything, and mentioning the fact that Akshay had come over at Sanshit’s place and I didn’t want to talk about her in front of him. I said that I was sorry and she didn’t have to worry, I’d never drift away from her. I also played down my mistake a bit by saying that It was partly her fault too, since I’d come to Baroda from a place rather far away, she could have made the distance and come to Baroda for meeting me.

The next few mails between us were a love feast and a place for Akshay bashing, I asked her if she could ever give thought to falling in love with me, to which she replied that I was the best friend she had, and I believed that it was one of the times when I was very close to her.